Sporting Press

Smack College Football Top 11 (and the Brickster's Heisman Leaderboard)

By Brick Stevens
Man About Town

1. Notre Dame
Heading into Veterans Day, the Irish decided to take a figurative knee to Navy. No other team in the country has the character to take a loss to honor our service men and women. For that, the Irish are No. 1 this week. 

2. Texas
The most complete team in the country. Colt McCoy tosses the football 470 yards and his favorite receiver grabs 11 of those passes for an astounding 273 yards. Defense holds Central Florida to a field goal. Wait a minute ... did I say Central Florida? WTF? Why is Texas playing Central Florida in November?

3. TCU
Good teams spank bad teams. Case in point, Horned Frogs beat San Diego State 55-12. 

4. Alabama
The highest-ranked team without an offense.

5. Florida
 "Have you ever gone 19-0?" Florida Coach Urban Meyer asked following Florida's 27-3 win against Vanderbilt. "It's not ho-hum, I can assure you that. If it's ho-hum for someone, you've got to really reflect to say, 'Where am I headed in this life right now?' If 19-0 in the Southeastern Conference at the University of Florida is ho-hum, then you've got one exciting life, man, you've got a lot of good stuff going for you."

So I'm asking myself ... where am I headed in this life right now?

Meyer wasn't finished: "I don't ever want to take anything away from what those cats have done."

"Cats?" Urban is so, um, urban with his hep cat talk.

Will someone please beat Florida?

6-11. Everyone else in the country. 
I'm supposed to get excited by a two-point win over Connecticut (Cincinnati) or a one-point win over Tulsa (Houston)? Boise State competes for Friday night exposure with high school teams. LSU seems to be trying to make a name for itself by losing to good teams. While Iowa (told you it would catch up with them), Oregon and Penn State lose to even suckier teams.

The Brickster's Heisman Leaderboard

1. Ndamukong Suh, NT, Nebraska
Isn't about time a lineman won the Heisman? Suh is an absolute animal. He does to opposing offenses (and parked cars) what his first name does to the alphabet: Creates absolute chaos. 

2. Case Keenum, QB, Houston
THIS WEEK: 40-60, 522 yards, 3 TDs. 
I'd give him the trophy for the 60 attempts alone.

3. Jordan Shipley, WR, Texas
THIS WEEK: 11 receptions, 273 yds, 1 TD.
He's been doing it for the past two years.

Smack College Football Top 11: Majors Schmajors

By Brick Stevens
Smack Sports Editor

Things we know in November ... The SEC has two good teams in Bama and Florida. LSU is ridiculously overrated ... Houston's Case Keenum is the Heisman frontrunner. Yes, that was a "period" ending that statement. What did Keenum do this weekend? 44-of-54 for a career-high 559 yards and five touchdowns, including the game winner with 21 seconds to go. Houston is 7-1 ... USC, like most teams depending on freshman QBs, is not that good ... The Big 12 has one good team ... and it's time we all get over the major conference mystique: TCU, Houston, Boise State and Cincy are all legit -- more importantly, we've never rolled into November with SEVEN undefeated teams. I don't see anyone beating six of those teams. 

1. Texas
Finally woke up from its slumber with an impressive win at Oklahoma State. The Brickster has a feeling there are going to be no Texas Tech slip ups this year for the Longhorns. 

2. TCU
Patterson's teams play defense as well as any "major."

3. Cincinnati
Best uniforms in the Smack Pack 11. 

4. Houston
Still tied for the lead in the Big 12 South.

5. Boise State
The Broncs continue to roll.

6. New York Yankees
Mariano Rivera could stop any of the remaining teams by himself.

7. Notre Dame
If I don't get to Heaven, I'm going to be pissed.

8. Oregon
Likely Pac-10 champs, only loss was to Boise State.

9. Alabama
Those off weeks are brutal in the Smack Pack. 

10. Iowa
Seriously? A 28-point fourth quarter rally to beat ... Indiana? Iowa is number four in the BCS poll, which should tell you how lame that poll is. The Hawkeyes have come from behind in EVERY SINGLE GAME to somehow make it to 9-0. A road game at Ohio State should end their fraudulent season. 

11. Florida
Brandon Spikes eye gouged me. I thought I had the Gators at No. 1 and was just seeing double. When my vision cleared, it became apparent I'd actually ranked them No. 11. Oh well. My bad.

Daily Doodle: The Bronx Hoodlums

Smack College Football Top 11: Week Eight

After sitting through another ridiculous weekend of the 2009 college football season, I decided maybe it's time members of the nation's sporting press stopped sniffing at the so-called mid-majors. With Alabama having to block a field goal to stop Lane Kiffin from becoming insufferable, the Brickster doesn't see a dominating team in college football.

1. TCU/Boise State
It's time to face facts ... TCU and Boise State are going undefeated.

3. Cincinnati
Unlike TCU and Boise State, the Bearcats have a couple of games on their remaining schedule -- West Virginia and Pitt could end the madness.

4. Texas
Seven games into its season, the Longhorns finally looked like a highly ranked team this weekend. Just in time, too. The B12 South is decided Saturday in Stillwater.

5. Iowa
Hawkeyes season and title hopes hinge on a Nov. 14 game against Ohio State. Brickster likes that Iowa is hanging in there and winning close games. Brickster also thinks hanging in there and winning close games eventually comes back to bite you.

6. USC/Oregon
Pac 10 championship game is this weekend.

8. Alabama
Regular readers know the worst thing you can do is bore the Brickster. A 12-10 win over Tennessee had me considering lawn work.

9. Florida
More boredom. The Gators mailed in a completely uninspired performance against a bad Mississippi State team. I mailed in the 8 spot.

10. Houston
Cougars are hating that UTEP game right now.

11. Oklahoma State/Notre Dame
Want to impress the Brickster? Beat Texas. 

Notre Dame remains in the Top 11 due to a contract all members of the sporting press must sign in blood with a centuries-old secret society. The penalty for failing to include the Irish in your Top 11 is you have to read all of Dan Brown's novels. Oops. I wasn't supposed to share that.

Daily Doodle: Dirk and the Matrix

Smack College Football Top 11: Week Seven

By Brick Stevens

My pet monkey Corso drew names from a hat to select the Smack Pack Top 11 last week. Two of his picks, Kansas (4) and Virginia Tech (8) were upset. Florida and Texas, two of his top three teams, were unimpressive. Florida beat Arkansas thanks to two of the worst calls the Brickster has ever seen. And Texas beat an injury-ravaged Oklahoma team by a field goal.

So I took the hat away from Corso and decided to pick 'em myself.

1. Notre Dame
The refs really screwed up at the end of this game. They SHOULD have continued to give Notre Dame extra seconds and extra downs until they tied USC in regulation and forced an overtime. Still, a one-touchdown loss to the Trojans is good enough to land the Irish in the top spot. Can I get an amen?

2. Alabama
Alabama-Notre Dame? Now THAT'S a championship game. Assuming the refs play along.

3. Iowa
I know the Big 10 sucks. You know the Big 10 sucks. But 7-0 counts for something around here.

4. Cincinnati
I know the Big East sucks. You know the Big East sucks. But 7-0 counts for something around here.

5. Texas
I know the Big 12 sucks. You know the Big 12 sucks. But 6-0 counts for something around here.

6. Boise State/TCU
I know the Western Athletic Conference sucks. Well, you know the rest.

7. USC/Oregon
Halloween treat.

8. Miami
It's hard to get on the Jacory Harris bandwagon with a boring win over Central Florida.

9. Arkansas
Best .500 team in America.

10. Houston
I was going to put Oklahoma State in this spot. But, well, how could I justify that?

11. Florida
Sorry Gators, I'm putting Saturday's game in the loss column.

Smack College Football Top 11: Week Six

By Brick Stevens

Nick Saban's Crimson Tide is the best and most complete team in the country. After Alabama, it's Texas and Florida, not necessarily in that order. 

1. Alabama
2. Florida
3. Texas

Bama beat Ole Miss 22-3 to advance to 6-0. 

Texas rushed for a whopping 46 yards and struggled at home against 1-4 Colorado. 

And in the week's Big Game, Florida at LSU, the flashier of the two offenses ran a dive play, like, 50 straight times.

Beyond those three teams, you might as well put the rest of the Top 25 in a hat and have a monkey draw names ... which is exactly what I did this week. Here's the remainder of this week's Smack 11, as randomly drawn by my pet monkey, Corso.

4. Kansas
5. Oklahoma State
6. Penn State
7. Cincinnati
8. Virginia Tech
9. Oregon
10. USC
11. Miami

 Amazingly, none of these teams played anyone within sniffing distance of the top 25 - and USC had a bye week.

Daily Doodle: Cowboys' Miles Austin Carries a Load

FSU Plots Bowden's Exit

TALLAHASSEE (SP) -- Bobby Bowden's job security seemed to take another hit today when it was discovered that Florida State University has purchased a cemetery plot for its 79-year-old coach.

"Coach Bowden is the picture of health and we hope he is the coach of Florida State for, well, years to come," said university president T. K. Wetherall. "But, you know, things happen. But we would never, um, kill him to get him out of here. That's not the Seminole way."

The plot in question is located in a sports-themed cemetery and crematorium called "The Bitter End Zone." Sources say a backhoe is on stand by at the facility.

Bowden has been under intense scrutiny since the chair of FSU's board of trustees called for him to step down after the team's 2-3 start. 

Talk of Bowden's exit has been going on for sometime in Tallahassee. If the writing was not on the wall, it was certainly on the field. The university named its football field for the coach a few years ago. Then FSU named Jimbo Fisher its "head coach in waiting."

This summer, the university moved the head coach parking spot to the middle of a student parking several blocks -- and several busy intersections -- from the football offices.

In August, a hot and humid month in Tallahassee, the university announced a new "green initiative" to cut energy costs by turning off the air conditioning in Bowden's office.

A few weeks later, the coaches dining room began serving food items high in fat sodium. 

Sources tell Sporting Press that the university also discussed after-life alternatives for Bowden with Scottsdale, Ariz.-based Alcor Life Extension Foundation, the worldwide leader in cryonics. Its lab is said to house corpses, including the remains of baseball great Ted Williams. Sources nixed this idea as a re-animated Bowden would likely demand his job back in the future.

Daily Doodle: Stoops' Cash for Clunkers